A Month in Review: July 2020

Y’all, this is the blog post that wouldn’t be written. I have been trying for weeks to put these words on the screen and it has been a struggle. This summer has felt so heavy. Since Covid took hold here and life ground to a halt back in March, even with things starting to resume over the past couple of months, I have struggled to shake the weight of 2020. I try to do anything requiring any sort of concentration and my mind cannot focus. I’m antsy and anxious in ways I’ve never been before. And I just feel burdened. I know I’m not alone in this, but it has been exhausting.

 I was out walking last week, which is how I have handled most of my Covid stress, and this time I intentionally went without a book or music in my ears. I talked to God and I tried to listen. I spent some time trying to figure out this weight that I have been carrying all summer. And It occurred to me – I ceased being busy. Busy gets a really bad rap these days – everyone calling for rest and to slow down and to silence the tyranny of the urgent and all of that. Normally I think there is a lot of value in that. But I have also found a certain amount of value to being a healthy level of busy.

 Over the past five years I have returned to work and our girls are enrolled in school and our family barely has time to stop and breathe. And there have been many times in the past five years that this introvert has desperately craved a little more downtime, space to just be. But I have also been thankful for the level of activity that keeps me from living in my own head too much, from overthinking life and relationships and circumstances, and thankful for that for my girls. We are all happier when we are busy. The past five months have involved far too much time in my own head and I think that explains the weighty burden I’ve been carrying around. I feel helpless to do anything to change my circumstances but all I can do is think about changing my circumstances.

 As I continued this walk last week, I did my best to lay all this at God’s feet. I still feel heavy and weary, but there is a flicker of hope in me. Far too much of my hope lies in school starting next week, I know that. I have no doubt that there will be setbacks and quarantines and other challenges this year, but man, we need school almost as much as we need air right now. Please, Jesus, let us walk through those doors on August 20.

 As I reflect on July as a whole, it seems like a foggy blur. We have made some good memories and had some hard times as well. Answering those questions that I used last month doesn’t seem to be working, so maybe this will just be more of a journal post.

 We started out the month with Hamilton on the Lawn. Matt rented a projector and screen and we showed the film on our front lawn the night it came out on Disney+. It was such a fun time with friends gathered outside and fireworks going off all around us (Topeka takes her fireworks very seriously) and one of my favorite musicals on the screen. We continued to celebrate that weekend with friends and family, eating, drinking, swimming, and blowing things up. #Murica

 Chandler got her wisdom teeth out the following week. That was entertaining. I got some good videos that she made me promise not to share, so I’m sorry you all have to miss out on that quality entertainment. For our classical friends, she did try to explain Aristotle’s Cave (which she insisted was Adler’s Cave) to the nurses. She did all right, but mostly sounded like a very drunk old philosopher.

 Matt and I celebrated our 21st anniversary with a massive argument and a weekend float trip with friends. That’s just how it goes sometimes, right? We talked it out and still had a great weekend with our friends. I had never floated before. We learned what we would do differently next time and only got a little bit sunburned. ;-)

 Then we took a family trip out to our cabin at a nearby lake. We spent five days out there, riding jetskis, looking at stars, playing Nerts, and connecting with each other. Like everything this year, it had a different feel from other lake trips, but I’m still glad we took the time to get away.

 Emma finally got her dates for Basic! That was huge last month. There might have been happy tears over it all. She leaves in September and she couldn’t be more excited.

 I wrapped up a Bible/book study with the girls in Ellie’s class. We spent the summer discussing Get Out of Your Head by Jennie Allen. This is the second summer I have done “Dive into the Word” (Bible study followed by swimming) with this group of girls and I treasure the time. They are a great group of girls and I’m so thankful Ellie has them in her life.

 I also got to spend some time at the lake with some of Chandler’s classmates. I love the kids in her class and have missed them like crazy since March, so it was a balm for my soul to spend time with them. I got to watch them laugh and interact and be kids, and I also got to watch them study the Bible together and discuss how to lead their school well in the coming year. This is a special group of kids and they will leave a hole in our school and our home when they graduate next spring.

 After our fun retreat to the lake, we came home to a flood in our backyard and basement. Topeka got something like 5+ inches of rain in less than 24 hours and apparently it all ended up in basements, including ours. Two of our girls were home alone and stepped in to start cleaning without us here. Matt got home with a shop vac and starting sucking water out and the girls and I moved boxes and soaked up water and wrung out towels. Nothing was ruined; it was mostly just highly inconvenient. The one room I had not yet unpacked was one of the only ones that took on water. So, we hauled all of the boxes out of that room and I am trying to get them all unpacked, sorted, and put away before school starts, but I am rapidly running out of time. Our backyard also flooded, which was kind of unbelievable to see. Matt had just celebrated that morning on Instagram that the pool was clear for the first time all summer. Not six hours later, our backyard was a lake. We were sure we had lost the pool and would either have to close it a month early, or drain it and start over for one more month of swimming. Instead, we pumped the excess water out of the yard and let the rest of it filter through for a few days, and within a week it was crystal clear again. We were amazed!

Now we are halfway into August and I’m just trying to get this post published before it’s time to write the next one. I want to close by answering one of the questions from last month:

 Where did you see God in July?

 I saw God in daily waking each of us up, in giving us grace for each day and whatever it would hold. July was wonderful and awful all at the same time, and while I’m glad it’s over, we made some good memories and I’m thankful for the daily mercies He gave us.

(I have no idea who created this meme, but I’m gonna go ahead and leave it right here.)