Month(s) in Review - January and February 2021

Here we are. March 1, 2021. We are rapidly approaching the one-year anniversary of the beginning of the Covid quarantine and a collective pivot point in all of our years. The girls and I are all preparing to travel in the next week, and I think back to a year ago, as I looked forward to a week at home and sent girls off in varying directions and how the whole world had changed by the time they returned home. March was also the month that we decided to make an offer on our current home, commencing a “little-t” traumatic experience for all of our girls (myself included), as we uprooted them from a home we all loved to one that is wonderful but was unfamiliar and meant more work. March was also the month that kicked off a situation in our family that had almost as great an effect on our home life as Covid did. And so, as much as I normally love March, there is some cumulative grief and anxiety mixed with the expectant hope that normally accompanies one of my favorite months of the year.

 But as I look back over January and February of this year, there’s a lot to reflect upon. The obvious place to start is the beginning of the new year – the cautious hope that came with turning that calendar page to 2021. The hope that this year would bring a return to something normal, something stable and reliable for all of us. And while the year has started off with some bumps and bruises, I do see hope. I see restrictions lifting. I see other school districts and cities returning their students to in-person schooling. I see trips and gatherings being planned. I see myself getting weary of everyone still talking about the pandemic. At what point do we stop framing everything with that term? At what point do we just embrace this current place in history. Not that I want to stay where we are. I’m more than ready to never see another sign about social distancing or masks. But, also, I’m so tired of talking about it. Yet, here I am, still talking about it.

 In other news, we were at church yesterday, and we were told to “greet your neighbor”, as you do at church. And the man in front of me just stuck out his hand to shake mine as he introduced himself. And I was both delighted and shocked. It’s been far too long since shaking hands was a normal thing.

 All three of our school-age girls had dances over the past eight weeks. Amania finally got to go to her 8th-grade ball, which is one of our favorite parts of our little school. The blessing she gave us at the end of the evening may have left everyone in tears. Then, Chandler and Ellie got to go to their winter formal (known as Silver Bells). We hosted Ellie’s class for dinner and then sent them all off for an evening of dancing, followed by roller skating. Even though masks were worn at all events, and the food that all social activities center around was different from years past, it was again a sweet, sweet taste of normalcy. Plus, it is always so much fun to see everyone get all dressed up. When you see these kiddos day in and day out in khaki pants and worn-out hoodies or polos that are tired from endless re-wearings, suits and ties and ball gowns and make-up all make it impossible to deny how quickly they are all growing up.

 January and February also brought opportunities to cheer on our school in basketball. I’ll be honest, basketball isn’t my favorite sport. Unless it’s KU basketball, I much prefer watching football or soccer. But our boys team was fun to watch this year and Chandler played her first season ever, so it was fun to cheer her on along with her teammates. Ellie got to cheer for both teams at home games all season, and it’s been fun to watch that group of girls not only grow in friendship but in talent and ability this season.

 And, of course, January and February held big changes in our kitchen! We started this project right after Emma left for Basic Training, which was on September 22. That means we passed the five-month mark about ten days ago. Our goal was to have it completed before she returned home. Well, she lands in KC on Friday, and we will (Lord willing!) have a not complete, but at least fully functional kitchen by the time she arrives home! We have gone from a super-dated two-room floor plan to a hollowed-out concrete shell to the open-concept kitchen of my dreams. We parked cars outside during the worst weather of the season and cooked in our garage for multiple holidays and ordinary meals day after day. I may have run out of good attitude about the whole thing when the polar vortex turned our garage into a freezer and I had to wear gloves, a hat, and a face mask just to go make dinner, but we survived. And while we are still a few weeks from a refrigerator and range, we can use our space and are slowly getting things put where they belong. One day soon, the endless dirt in the house will be the normal stuff of life and not all construction mess and cardboard boxes, and we will be able to gather around the islands and make meals and memories while doing homework and catching up on the day.

 A couple of weeks ago, before the countertops went in, I asked Matt to throw a piece of plywood on one of the islands so I could use the surface to unpack some things and put food in the pantries. Then we unpacked one of our barstools to see if we liked them (we didn’t; new ones are on the way). That night, after returning home from dinner with friends, Matt, Ellie, and I stood in that unfinished kitchen with the plywood countertop and one stool between the three of us, and we talked together for nearly 2, maybe even 3 hours and my heart was so full. The kitchen is the heart of the home. Even for people like me who don’t love to cook or bake, we all still have to eat, and it’s the natural place for everyone to gather, whether at a party or just the end of an ordinary Monday. The past five months haven’t been awful. Really. The past three or four weeks have been terrible, not gonna lie, as we’ve all run out of steam of this whole thing and little things keep dragging on. Overall, we’ve had good attitudes and we’ve made what we have work. But it’s also not been a cakewalk. We have all been exhausted and frustrated by the inconvenience and hassle of being without a kitchen for almost half a year. But the time, energy, and financial sacrifice that have gone into this kitchen, that goes into any kitchen remodel, will reap dividends in our family for years to come. It’s why we pushed this project through when honestly it would have made sense to wait a little longer. We knew the previous kitchen wasn’t going to work for us and for our family dynamic and that the time we have available to enjoy it as a family is limited. We’ve learned what our family and our social life require, and we set out to create it. And now we can’t wait to share it with others.

 Before I go, some questions for reflection….

 Where did you see God in January and February?

 Most of all, I saw God in church. Now, that might sound obvious, but let me finish. On the first Sunday of this year, we started attending a different church. We love our home church. Matt and I both, more or less, grew up in that church and we’ve raised our girls there. Matt has served on both the deacon and elder boards. We’ve taught Sunday schools and hosted events there. We got married there and dedicated and baptized all of our girls there. That church is home. But after the past year, we’ve been needing a change. Probably not forever, but for now. So we have been alternating between our home church and another church and it’s been a balm. We’ve found it healing in a lot of ways and challenging in others. And I’ve met God in His house every week. For the first time in a long time, I love going to church again.

 What’s one thing you learned in January and February?

 I learned that I have a voice and it’s okay to use it. As an Enneagram 9 (a very non-confrontational peacemaker (and sometimes peacekeeper (these things are different!))), I like to go with the flow. I pride myself on being easy to get along with and relatively low maintenance. But over the past year, I’ve been learning to use and listen to my own voice. I’ve learned that my own words have weight and power, and even when I’m wrong, there’s something to lean into and learn from there. Even in things as small as design details for the kitchen, learning that I can say “no, I don’t like that” is okay and the sky won’t fall and the designer won’t unfriend me and we will all be happier with how the project turns out, has been its own kind of grown-up trust fall. It’s hard for me to use my voice sometimes. I see all sides, I’m great at looking at the world from other peoples’ perspectives, and there are very few things that I see in black and white. To declare my own opinion or assert my own perspective risks rocking a very fragile boat, which has always been unsettling, has been downright terrifying for several months now. But I’m learning that even if the boat tips, I won’t drown.

What’s the best thing that could happen in March?

 Hmmmm….

 Emma will be home!!!

 The kitchen could be done-done?!?!?

 Also, my constant prayer so far this year has been, Lord, make my home a place of hope and healing. March could bring answers to that prayer. Even tiny ones. That would be a gift.

What about you? Where have you seen God so far this year? And where do you hope to see Him this month?

May you know His presence and peace in your life. Thanks for continuing to follow along on our little journey and loving our family from near or far away. Happy Spring, friends!

{photo credit for Chandler and Ellie’s Silver Bells photos above goes to Trevin Pasta - great captures, man!}